Trauma is trauma
This morning I read The Kidnapping I Can’t Escape by Taffy Brodesser-Akner, published by The New York Times.
At first I didn’t know whether I wanted to commit to reading a 30-minute article. But when I read Brodesser-Akner’s proclamation, “…trauma is trauma,” I was hooked.
In the last few years as I’ve gotten more comfortable sharing my story, those listening to me have more often than not followed up by saying, “What I experienced wasn’t as traumatic as your experience, but…”
This response has made me feel uncomfortable. Why? First, I don’t want anyone to feel as though they need to compare their trauma to mine. Second, I don’t want anyone to minimize their experience. After all, “trauma is trauma” I’ll say. And the way in which trauma impacts your body and brain? It’s similar, regardless of the trauma you endured.
How does this tie into Jack Teich’s kidnapping, which is referenced in the title of the article?
Teich was 34-years-old when he was kidnapped in 1974 from his driveway in one of the nicest neighborhoods in Long Island. Brodesser-Akner has known the Teiches her whole life and therefore was privy to all of the horrifying details of Jack’s kidnapping.
After Brodesser-Akner suffered her own trauma, she aspired to me more like Jack. From her perspective, he appeared to have been able to compartmentalize his trauma and move on with his life after he’d miraculously survived and been dumped off along the Belt Parkway by his kidnappers. Once home, he continued living his life, had another child, and built a successful company.
Why couldn’t Brodesser-Akner by more like Jack and just get on with her life, she wondered?
It was only recently when Jack was almost 80-years-old that Brodesser-Akner became aware of all the precautions he’d taken in his life, including leaving on the lights in his house all the time and installing a panic button by every outside door, to ensure the safety of himself and his family.
With this newfound knowledge, Brodesser-Akner realizes that “[i]t’s about surviving what you survived, which is also known as the rest of your life.”
I agree. Those of us who have experienced trauma can process it and live successful lives. That said, trauma is not something you can extricate from your life, however hard you may try. Perhaps we can reach a point of acceptance though, and see our shared humanity.
P.S. I’m waiting for the print proof of my book from Itasca Books. Once I receive this in the mail (later this week?), I’ll be two weeks away from launch date!