Anderson Cooper

I’ve been listening to Anderson Cooper’s podcast, “All There Is,” a compilation of nine episodes that explore grief and loss. In the episode titled “Sadness Isn’t an Enemy,” Cooper talks with Dr. BJ Miller, a hospice and palliative care physician.

As a sophomore at Princeton University, Miller climbed to the top of a commuter train that was parked for the night. Tragically, 11,000 volts of electricity traveled through his body upon his ascent. While Miller survived the accident, he lost both legs below the knee and half of one arm.

Needless to say, Miller knows a lot about working through and processing grief and loss.

Given this horrific accident, I expected the episode to focus on the sadness Miller experienced while trying to come to terms with this unimaginable loss. However, Miller’s accident is just touched upon briefly before Cooper and Miller talk about the deaths of their siblings, both of whom died by suicide.

I was moved by these two men as they talked about their sadness related to the loss of their siblings -- and admired their ability to be so raw with us listeners. I also was struck when Miller said, “…I’ve met people who have not had much pain in their lives, who haven’t suffered much, and they seem to be the more miserable people I’ve ever met.”

This got me thinking. Could it be that those people who have floated through most of their lives without much loss and disillusionment expect that this is the way life should be? And then, because this is their expectation, they’re that much more derailed by what others would see as minor setbacks?

Could something of value result from our losses?

I’ve thought a lot about this question. Had I not endured my illness, would I feel full of gratitude like I do today? Would I have the same drive to give back to others and our community?

There’s no way of knowing, for my life was irrevocably changed when I was 11 years old. Yet, with time and healing, there’s no doubt that I’ve come to see some of my most difficult moments as opportunities for cultivating gratitude and hope.