EMDR

This is an archived post that was originally published at beyond-terminal.com

In this passage, you’ll learn that my therapist Scarlet recommends a type of therapy called eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). This is a kind of psychotherapy that was developed by Francine Shapiro in the 1980s, and involves recalling traumatic events while activating both hemispheres of the brain through bilateral stimulation, such as tapping or back-and-forth eye movement.

In coming chapters, you’ll see how transformative this therapy was for me.

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This passage picks up from last week’s entry and is also from the chapter “I Begin Therapy.”

Scarlet recommended we see each other twice a week until some of my anxiety had lessened. I decided to take her recommendation. Even though the first session had left me feeling uncomfortable, my impression of Scarlet was positive — she was compassionate and insightful. And it wasn’t like my calendar was busy.

It was during our second session together that Scarlet took the lead. “You’ve mentioned that part of the reason you’re so devastated that you had to quit your job is that you think of yourself as someone who persists even when things are hard.”

I nodded. Yeah, that’s right.

“Well, people don’t develop that identity overnight.” Scarlet said. “How did you end up with this identity?”

I looked down at the rug and found myself feeling frustrated again that the pattern was totally abstract. “Um,” I replied, “Um, I guess that trait comes from when I was younger.”

“Yes?”

During the long period of silence that followed I couldn’t decide if I was angry with Scarlet for directing the conversation toward something I didn’t want to talk about or resigned. If I were being honest with myself, I could admit that people’s reactions to certain situations weren’t as neat and tidy as I wanted to make them. I wanted to be the outlier though. I wanted to solve my current problems by talking about the current circumstances, not anything that happened a long, long time ago. Besides, it was hard enough for me to talk about one traumatic thing – quitting my job. How could I be expected to talk about two traumatic things?

“I was sick a lot,” I finally replied. “But – but I don’t see how this is connected to why I had to quit my job.”

“I actually see a connection,” Scarlet said. “Many people in your place would have found the situation you were in intolerable and insisted on changes being made immediately.”

I shrugged in response.

“Instead you worked harder and harder until you eventually crashed.”

I sat still on the couch, contemplating Scarlet’s words. 

“I’m wondering if you would be interested in considering a type of therapy called eye movement desensitization and reprocessing?” Scarlet asked. “It’s a type of therapy that is helpful for those needing assistance processing traumatic memories.”

I felt as though I could recall things that had happened in my classroom almost too vividly, but I was up for pretty much anything that Scarlet felt might help. “I’ll give it a try,” I said, having little to no idea that Scarlet was referring more to my childhood memories than my more recent ones.

We talked some more, with my focus on how I could have handled the Roger situation differently. Quitting my job left me with a visceral pain, and I wanted to figure out how to extract that piece of me.

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When I was reading “What My Bones Know” by Stephanie Foo, I was surprised to discover that EMDR is effective for only 9% of people who have experienced childhood trauma. Don’t get me wrong, 9% is better than nothing. And yet I walked away feeling grateful that I didn’t know this statistic prior to embarking on EMDR.

I’m like most people in that, if I have a question that can’t be answered immediately, I go to Google. Instant answer. Instant gratification.

But what if I had come across this stat prior to Scarlet’s recommendation that I try EMDR? Would knowing that there was a tiny likelihood of success influenced the final outcome? I think it could have.

While I’m a data-driven person, I’ve come to realize that it’s sometimes a good idea to follow your gut and try something without having all of the stats in front of you ahead of time.